The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
