Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
