They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
try to milk me bitch
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