Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
