And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
