How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
