apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
