I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
