I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
