is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
