Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
