I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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