put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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