is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
