North Korea, Best Korea!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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