you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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