I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
