I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
