when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
