i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I looked at my own cervix.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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