so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Less talking, more tequila
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
