the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
