I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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