She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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