if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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