We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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