It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
