I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
