Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
