Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
