when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
