Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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