i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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