Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
