I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
