you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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