I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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