He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
