If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
