I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
