I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
