bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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