69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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