I can text with my tongue
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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