i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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