I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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