found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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