Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
