We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
