I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
