she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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