She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
