if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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