You smell like stripper and shame
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How does one acquire holy water?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
