The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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