Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
