I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
