He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
