not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize