today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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