If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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