dude i'm inner monologue high
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
