I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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