im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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