i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
