well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
