so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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