fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
