There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
