Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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