i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
