I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
