When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I want her autograph on my taint
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
