People in love make me want to vomit
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
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WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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