they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
