After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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