sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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