i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
